Comedy by George Carlin

By Yelshaday Teklu

Where do things go when they’re lost?
I don’t like to lose anything!!!Because,……….where is it? Basically that’s the part which bothers me the most. I’m a practical guy,….where is it? There are some things I don’t even care if I ever get them back. I just wanna know where the fuck they went.
You know what I think? I think there’s a big pile of things somewhere. I think there is a big constantly changing pile of things that are lost. You lose something……… goes to the pile. And when you say “look! There it is!” ……come right back from the pile. And you didn’t even know there was a pile. Where is the pile? In heaven, of course. The first thing that happens when you go to heaven, they give you everything you ever lost. That’s the whole meaning of heaven.
79 pair of sunglasses
212 cigarette lighters
4983 ball point pens
And here is a jockstrap we found on the golden state freeway. It appears to have new hoof prints and chocolate sprinkles on it. Must have been quite an evening.
Yes, you get back everything. Well, you don’t really get everything. You don’t get the big things. “Good judgment”, never comes back. Your tongue and appendix, they keep those for display purposes. Virginity; you don’t get that back because you were in a big hurry to get rid of it in the first place. But you do get all your wallets. Every wallet you ever lost. No cash, it’s just like earth. They keep the money as a prayer offering.